three movies that sucked

1. A History of Violence. Just got around to watching it this weekend and was very very underwhelmed. The ending was dumb (the killer dad sits down at the table), the violence was not that graphic (at least not on the scale of something like Saving Private Ryan), and the plot was just weak (did anyone really think this would be a film about mistaken identity? No, it was clear that "Tom Stall" was really this "Joey" guy but was just too dark and complicated to talk about it.). There was like a five minute sequence showing Viggo Mortensen driving from Indiana to Philadelphia. Dear Cronenberg, please edit out the driving sequences. Ask Vincent Gallo about this if you don't believe me.

2. 40 Year Old Virgin. Everyone raved about this, but no one told me it was over 2 hours long. And again, no suspense. We know from the beginning that he's eventually going to get Catherine Keener, but the film is so intent on taking itself seriously (for a comedy!) that it wastes time on all this "character" development stuff. There is, in scripwriting, a term called "The Big Gloom" which is supposed to be the last obstacle in the character's path toward a happy ending and everytime it looks like there is absolutely no way things will work out, but then of course somehow they do and The End. Well, 40-y.o.v. has like three or four big glooms and I can't think of any purpose they serve except to stall. There were a couple of funny jokes, but a lot of material fell flat and just sat there. Something I didn't like about either one of these is that they both seemed to take themselves too seriously, they were both earnestly trying to be A Great Film and we all know you just can't try to be cool.

3. Prozac Nation. Maybe the worst film I have ever seen. I could not finish half of it. Seriously, do not waste your time even reading about how much it sucks.

4. On a non-sucking note, I can recommend the movie version of "The Safety of Objects" as being not-all-bad. It's barely faithful to the book, but still entertaining in its own right (minus Joshua Jackson; I cannot stand that guy). The best movie I've seen so far this year: The Squid and The Whale.